What to Do if Someone Who Dumps You Wants to Be Friends Again
What to Do When Your Child Is 'Dumped' by a Friend
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The end of a friendship is often painful no matter your age. And when it happens to kids, it can be even more than complicated. Certain, sometimes kids slowly grow apart and the breakup is unsurprising (only still sad). Other times, friendships cease abruptly and result in one child feeling confused, angry and "dumped."
Watching your child get hurt or excluded past a friend can be tough for parents who feel helpless and unsure whether to intervene. Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, child psychologist and co-author of the recently released Growing Friendships: A Kids' Guide to Making and Keeping Friends, says, "Our part every bit parents is mostly to provide opportunities and to motorbus our own kids on being kind friends. When a friendship ends, our part turns to providing empathy to our children and helping them to develop coping skills."
So what tin you do to assist a child go on friendships alive — but yet cope when one of them merely has to stop?
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Teach your child to be a good friend
Kennedy-Moore explains that we can help our kids take stock of their relationships past but thinking and talking about them. Enquire your kid, "How do y'all feel when you're with this friend?" Subsequently all, friendships should exist benign to both parties; in general, a friend should make you feel good about yourself, and you should brand your friend feel good. Kennedy-Moore explains, "Children's growing power to imagine someone else'south perspective is what fuels the development from the 'convenience friendships' of preschool toward the existent intimacy of mature friendship."
Don't worry most whether a kid has many friends
Parents may worry if their kid has just ane or ii shut friends. Will this make them more vulnerable if the friendship goes awry? But there'southward no bespeak trying to amp up your kids' friend numbers. Some kids are more than comfy with a best friend or a small shut-knit circle, while others bask socializing in bigger groups. Kennedy-Moore suggests that rather than pushing for sheer quantity of friends, parents can encourage kids to cultivate dissimilar types of friendships in different parts of their lives (i.due east., schoolhouse friends, sports friends, neighborhood friends).
Aid your child understand that sometimes, friendships end
Every bit sad as it is, friendships — of all ages — do end for many reasons. Kids may detect they take less in mutual with former friends as they mature. Or they may be merely assigned to different classes or sports teams than their friends, so they take less interaction with them, so the friendship fades. Information technology isn't ever someone's error. It can just happen. And parents need to assistance children understand that.
Avoid getting overly involved
Resist the urge to micromanage your child'due south friendships. Kennedy-Moore cautions that "children can be very mean to each other sometimes because they experiment with social power and their empathy isn't fully adult." Although it is natural to feel angry if your child has been hurt, it is generally not a good idea to contact the parents of the other child involved. "There are ever two sides to an argument," Kennedy-Moore adds, "and parents tend to be defensive about their own kids." In general, information technology's ameliorate to assist children learn to handle conflicts on their own — unless you lot are concerned near a bullying situation or something else that truly requires parental interference.
The finish of a friendship may not exist forever
Just because friends take an argument or don't seem to be spending much time together does not necessarily mean the friendship is over, catamenia. Kennedy-Moore says, "Children'due south feelings can modify chop-chop. If the human relationship was generally practiced before, it may exist worth waiting a chip (maybe a day or a week) and then having your child just human activity friendly toward the former friend."
More: My Kids & I Are Friends — Got a Problem With That?
If your child has been "dumped" by a friend…
Acknowledge your child's injure or angry feelings. Exist comforting and supportive of your child. Give the kid some fourth dimension to heal earlier focusing on trouble-solving. "Discourage your child from trying to 'go even' with the friend," Kennedy-Moore urges. "That will just escalate the fight. Instead, suggest other options, such every bit respectfully speaking up, spending some time with other friends, forgiving the friend or just trying once again tomorrow."
If your child is the "dumper"…
Over again, friendships can alter over time. If your child no longer wants to be friends with someone, effort to find out why. There may exist something going on that you lot are unaware of. Of course, children should never feel pressured to stay friends with someone they don't want to be friends with, but they should also never be barbarous to another child. "Help your child imagine the other child's feelings," Kennedy-Moore advises. "Ask your child, 'What is the kind thing to do?' Perchance they can politely inquire the former friend to stop an annoying beliefs, include the former friend in large grouping activities or allow the friendship to gently fade without a hurtful annunciation."
More: Help! My Kid's Breakup Is Exhausting Me
The end of a friendship is something that most if not all children (and adults) will have to face up at some point in their lives. While this breakup can be upsetting, in time children volition motility on and hopefully learn from the experience. The most parents can do is continue the lines of advice open — and let children know that nosotros are ever in their corner.
Source: https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1136348/kids-dumped-by-friends/
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